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1 急救课First-aid class
A man was telling friends how first-aid classes had prepared him for an emergency.
一个男子正在告诉朋友们急救课是如何让他为突发事件做好准备的。
“I saw a woman hit by a car,” he said, “She had a broken arm, a twisted knee and a skull fracture.” “How horrible! What did you do?” “Thanks to my first-aid training I knew just how to handle it. I sat on the curb and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting.”
“我看见一个女人被车子撞了,“他说,“她手臂断了,膝盖弯曲,头骨破裂。”“太可怕了!你做了些什么?”“因为我上过急救培训,我知道该怎么处理这件事,我在路边坐下来,把我的头放在膝盖上,以防止昏倒。”
2 你今天晚上要干什么去?What are you going to do this evening?
Mrs. Jones was still cleaning the house when her husband came back from work. She was wearing dirty old clothes and no stockings, her hair was not tidy, she had dust on her face, and she looked dirty and tired. Her husband looked at her and said, “Is this what I come home to see after a hard day’s work?”
琼斯太太正在家里打扫房间,这时,她的丈夫下班回来了。琼斯太太穿着又脏又旧的衣服,光着脚,头发乱糟糟的,脸上还满是灰尘,她看起来脏兮兮的,一脸倦容。她丈夫看到这一切,说:“这就是我辛辛苦苦一天回家要看到的吗?”
Mrs. Jones’s neighbor, Mrs. Black, was there. When she heard Mr. Jones’ words, she quickly said good-bye and ran back to her house. Then she washed, brushed and combed her hair carefully, put on her pettiest stockings, painted her face, and waited for her husband to come home.
琼斯太太的邻居——布莱克太太当时也在场,她听到琼斯先生的话,立刻告辞,跑回家去。她洗脸漱口梳头,穿上她最好的衣服和最漂亮的袜子,化好妆,等着她的丈夫回家。
When he arrived, he was hot and tired. He walked slowly into the house, saw his wife and stopped. Then he shouted angrily, “and what are you going to do this evening?”
布莱克先生回来时,又热又累,他拖着脚步慢慢地走进屋子,看到妻子,他停住了脚步,生气地大声吼道:“你今天晚上要干什么去？”
3 第三只鸡留着自己吃The third, you may keep for yourself
A rich farmer’s son, who had been bred at the university, always came at Christmas, to visit his father and mother.
一个有钱的农民有一个儿子,他在大学接受过教育,总是圣诞节回家去看望他的父母。
One evening, they were all three at supper, and two fowls having been served up, he told them that, by logic and arithmetic, he could prove those two chickens to be three.
一天晚上,他们三人在一起吃晚饭,有两只鸡被端上来,他用逻辑与计算的知识告诉他们,他能证明两只鸡可以变成三只。
“Well, said his father,” you ought to teach us how that can be done.
“好啊,”他父亲说。“你应该教教我们怎么做。”
“Why!” Cried the scholar. “This is one, and that,” continued he, “Is two; one and two, you know, make three.”
“哎呀,”学者叫道:“这是一,那个,”他接着说:“是二,一加二,你知道,等于三。”
“Very clever, indeed, and very funny,” returned the father, “but you ought to have told us also, how we are to divide those two fowls among us three, Perhaps you could not have managed that so easily, so I will assist you: your mother shall have the first fowl, I will have the second, and the third, you may keep for yourself, as reward for your great learning.”
“非常聪明,真的,而且很有趣,”父亲回答道,“但是你也应该告诉我们,我们如何分配那两只鸡,也学你解决起来不会那么容易,所以我来帮助你,你妈妈应该吃第一只,我吃第二只,第三只你应该留给自己,作为你学得好的奖励。”
4 请勿触摸Hand off
At the art museum the sign “Hand off” was displayed before the statue of Venus. It was very easy to notice.
在艺术博物馆里,摆着维纳斯雕像前的指示牌”Hand off”(请勿触摸)非常显眼,很容易看到。
A small child looked from the sign to the statue and said disinterestedly, “Anybody can see that her hand has fallen off.”
有个幼儿看看指示牌,又看看雕像,然后很淡漠地说:“谁都看到她是掉了一只手嘛!”
5农场主和理发师The farmer and barber
When life was very hard, a farmer said to a barber:”Now corn’s lower in price. I think you should shave for half price. ”
生活很艰难的时候,一个农场主对理发师说:“现在粮食跌价了,你给人刮脸也应该只收半价。”
“I can’t, sir,” said the barber, “I really should charge more because when corn’s cheap, farmers are unhappy and worried. All of them make such long faces that I have twice the ground to go over.”
“不行啊,先生。”理发师说,“其实我应该多收一点钱的,因为粮食跌价了,农场主都很不高兴了,发愁了,一个个都愁得把脸拉得很长。我要刮的地方比原来大了一倍啦。”
6 谁是对的Who is right
After the couple’s quarreling, the husband shouted: “You should remember that no matter what tine it is, what the man is thinking of is right, and his judgment is correct, but you women are always do the opposite.”
夫妻吵架后,丈夫嚷道:“你该记住,无论什么时候,男人的思考都是对的,判断准确无误，而女人却恰恰相反。”
The wife answered, “Yes, that you chose me to be your wife is right, but my choosing you as my husband is a big mistake!”
妻子回答道:“是呀,你选我做妻子是绝对正确的,而选你做丈夫是大错特错!”
嗯，问好叔丁，周末快乐！
哈哈，小小，周末快乐！
问好点点，做人难，做女人更难啊~
我开始还以为他会去救受伤的人呢：）
减肥时代，理发师不容易啊~
点点，周末快乐！
尼斯好！最后的妻子很聪明哈：）
尼斯，周末快乐！
会一些急救方法的大好处就是遇事先把自己搞定。
估计如今的理发师都要少赚钱了，尤其是美国的理发师，因为人们吃得太爆了，脸都给撑圆了。哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。
谢谢小松！！！！！！祝周末愉快！
祝阿松周末愉快！
美丽好！觉得你家小宝很有幽默细胞：）
美丽，周末快乐！
问好雪花！祝天天开心快乐！
Thanks Rebecca! I am glad you like it:)
Have a nice weekend!
含嫣好！有一阵子没见了，真高兴见到你，拥抱一个！
含嫣，周末快乐！
谢谢松松， 周末愉快!
问候松松阖家夏安！