鱼 和 熊 掌 (2)
"I'll be a wife and mother first, then First Lady." by Jacqueline Kennedy
A meaningful, yet , emotionally charged response to my previous post “潘多拉魔盒” prompted me to take a closer look at the question "Why should a women pursue higher education and acquire special knowledge or training in various areas if she would appealingly end up as home-bound wife ? The premise of this question implies that it might be a waste of time and efforts as a woman’s career is taken out of the equation . Could it be true ? It would depend upon whom you would ask and what data would be used to prove it. I understand that this is a very provocative issue. Gaining consensus is almost impossible given tons of variables there. But my attempt here is to present my thoughts in front of readers and let them to draw their own conclusions.
The first part of my series of “ 鱼 和 熊 掌” indicated that a career-bound woman apparently is well-educated, well-informed, articulate and ambitious. So what is wrong with these good attributes of a woman? Nothing is wrong until it comes to relationship and marriage. In fact, the more successful the women are in career the more risks it may expose in relationship. Several social science studies published so far have raise eyebrows for this interesting phenomena.
To demonstrate my point, I’d like to invite you to create mental pictures in your mind;
Imaging this; a highly successful career woman who worked long hours comes home, exhausted and depleted physically and emotionally only finds out that her other half is also tired and hungry in many levels and his day is not over since he has brought some work home. Do you see what I'd have seen?
Now, Picture another scene; it is 9:00 AM an intelligent and highly educated woman with a cup of home brewed cappuccino coffee at her hand just completed a diner reservation for two on the phone while responding an email from her interior designer regarding the furniture selection for her living room on her laptop. Her cell-phone rings it is her friend who is asking her if she can finalize her fundraising plan for children in poverty-stricken medicine-scarce African countries before execution takes place.
Of cause, both scenes above are hypothesis, but endings seem to be obviously miles apart.
My own opinion is that high education and professional training received by women would never be wasted when she chooses to stay at home. The main reason is that the knowledge learned and accumulated from her education would allow her to appreciate the beauties of life surrounding her; to enhance her senses to enjoy her marriage and family, to enlighten her heart further to open for literature, art, music, history ……and other heritages from mankind. Foremost, she can leverage what she learned and learns to assist her husband, guide her children and advocate worthy causes for the community. In the end she would have more time for herself and become more satisfied in marriage overall than her counterparts who sink deep in the careers.
I have to admit my thinking of women's role is not always this way. It was only after I came to
I'd like to share some her words;
"I think the best thing I can do is to be a distraction. A husband lives and breathes his work all day long. If he comes home to more table thumping, how can the poor man ever relax?"
"Even though people may be well known, they hold in their hearts the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of those we know on earth: birth, marriage and death."
"There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those who want power in bed."
Many people may say, this happened in long time ago and there should be no bearing for our discussion here. I’d agree that things have changed a lot since J acqueline Kennedy’s era. But many things in our life works like this; the more changes we have the more stay the same. My thought is that receiving higher education and staying home should not be mutually exclusive for a woman rather complimentary and it would be ideal for relationship, marriage and family provided the financial situation of a family is stable.
Note: The title “人 间 天 上 两 心 知” comes from 韦庄的
思帝乡
云髻 坠，凤钗垂。
髻 坠钗垂无力，枕函欹。
翡翠 屏深月落，漏依依。
说尽人间天 上，两心知。
No matter what great politician he was, He was not honest in love。He loved her and also he hurt her so much. 有一句话说得对：最爱自己的人，可能是伤害自己最深的人，这也是爱..
You don’t need pay back and you don’t owe me anything. But thank you for your article, which makes me think a lot. What I wrote here or in my blog both are for fun and thinking more. I should thank you for this.
2. Kennedy might have been a good politician, but claiming how much he loved his wife while he was sleeping around really makes me sick.
You must live in an ivory tower; a politician's life is twisted around and polished up dramatically before they come into the public eye. Believing those fairy tales is ...
I also appreciate that you bought Clintons into our discussion in the forum. This couple seems to be just the opposite side of the Kennedies. Bill Clinton, a Yale man, a draft dodger, a drug user, an author, a womanizer and veteran politician left a legacy of chaos and scars on America which would take decade to heal, his most memorable quote is "I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me ... I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky". How about his wife Hilary, a "fine example" of career women did choose, in my own opinion, to hung on with her man for her further political ambition. Jay Leno once joked on his late night show "Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign? Know what sign? 'For Sale. '". The joke was a bit row but it might contain some truth in it.
Plese allow me to reiterate that higher education and staying home should not be mutually exclusive rather complimentary and it would be ideal for relationship, marriage and family provided the financial situation of a family is stable.
Thank you for spending time to write your thoughtful comments, if you do decide to bring back your comments into your blog I'd give my permission to take the my assay to go with it as my "pay-back". And to sweeten the deal I'd throw in my reply as well. Now we are even.
I have no issue though, actually "I'm loving it "( have heard this McDonald commercial before ?) Please swing your best shots because I am good at taking them on. BTW, Do I forget to mention to you guys my skin is so thick that it would even make " the width of Great Wall" which Chinese are so proud of to sigh ?
A bit of advise I may , If time permits please read few time more of this assay and previous one as well, you might change your mind little bit afterwards. Hey, as they say, you never know.
Thx for your comment even though I believe I am not a sexist as you was painting me for.
She is my favorite lady in USA history and I like John Kennedy very much too. I believe they are meant to be together, but unfortunately, John is not perfect and not a loyal person in love. Clinton is just like him. In this way, John is not good enough to be with Jacqueline. But I believe she loved him truly. That’s why Jacqueline didn’t have other choices.
我要写中文了，还是觉得用母语表达的更随心些，见谅：）
其实，真正有很大成就的人，是要很多人为他牺牲， 服务的。一个想征服世界的人，是没有剩余精力去照顾另一个人和家庭的。如果两个人都想同时成功，在一起的可能性是太少了，多会分手的, 这也是为什末要为另一个人付出，如果你爱他/她，你的事业心又不强，你会的. 但如果事业是你的最重要的兴趣，个性又强，你就不可能放弃，所以太一样的人是没有可能在一起的。普通人中的成功人士也是同样的道理, 不同的是，普通人中的成功只是有一个时间段的，应该还不会是致命的矛盾，如果在合适的时间, 地点相遇, 两个人也可能都事业成功, 婚姻美满, 林徽因的人生不是就很好吗？
独立和自信来自于你的内在和能力,那不是依赖你现在正在做什末 , 有没有工作的. 这些有一定的作用,但不是根本的…人需要有能让自己衣食无忧的能力, 才能有安全感, 快乐, 独立和自信. 所以教育, 智慧和工作的能力是必需的… 然后你可以决定’使用这个能力还是不用, 按你的人生兴趣…
看了你们的观点, 谈谈自己的看法, 这次好像没有defend 你吧?呵呵 上次说了” 这样一个题目不是一句话两句话就能说明白的”, 看看我写得多长的帖子吧,回头放到我自己的blog里,不能只给你留下来 ：）
For you, woman's role is a beautiful accessory for your life, a coffee maker when you need energy, a wonderful chef when you are hungry, a loving woman who only does charity activity for killing time (she cannot spend too much time on that because you always come first).
For you, her education is important just because it makes your life more enjoyable and more decent, you just cannot stand an under educated woman because that won't fit your "class and taste".
You only saw the grace and glowing part of Jacqueline's life, from a guy's self-centered eyes, you are not able to see how she suffered from depression, low esteem because of her perfect husband's unfaithful behavior. She chose living with him not because she loved him, but because she could not gave up the role of “first wife”.
Designing rooms, cooking, and dressing up, are enjoyable for every woman, but that doesn't make them independent, doesn't make them feel confident. I am not saying that it's useless, I like those things personally, but these absolutely should not be the life goal for women. Therefore, we need education, need to be happy because we are capable of living independently, even as a housewife.
I disagree with you totally, please forgive me being blunt here. And again, good luck to find that kind of woman.