(第十笑) You know, it's been a whirlwind of activity these first hundred days. We've enacted a major economic recovery package, we passed a budget, we forged a new path in Iraq, and no President in history has ever named three Commerce Secretaries this quickly. (Laughter.) Which reminds me, if Judd Gregg is here, your business cards are ready now. (Laughter.)
自己的百日壮举着实不易啊!  经济复苏计划、天文数字的政府预算、伊拉克战争等等，美国历史上还没有哪位总统要在这么短的时间内任命三位商务部长的(第一位是新墨西哥州州长Bill Richardson，但这胖子有廉政问题遭大陪审团调查；第二位是共党参议员Judd Gregg，奥想通过Gregg大搞民共两党统一战线。计划精妙，无奈Gregg坚定共党立场，不为所动；这第三位就是现在的华人领袖Gary Locke -- 中国人的骄傲)。

(这里还提到干细胞研究、孩童健康保险、以及因联邦拯救汽车工业，奥被提名为auto executive of the year--略过)

(十一笑) We've also begun to change the culture in Washington. We've even made the White House a place where people can learn and can grow. Just recently, Larry Summers asked if he could chair the White House Council on Women and Girls. (Laughter.) And I do appreciate that Larry is here tonight because it is seven hours past his bedtime. (Laughter.) Gibbs liked that one. (Laughter.)
奥说白宫是人们学习和成长的地方，连Larry Summers都要来主持白宫的妇女丫头协会。这Larry Summers是谁?  还记得那位散布性别歧视言论、说在科技领域"女子就是不如男"的哈佛校长吗?  正是此人。为这番言论，他丢了哈大校长职位，也正因此，奥总统不考虑他作为财政部长的人选，而只让他领导总统经济顾问团。据说Larry还有一个爱好，就是会议时间睡觉，所以他能参加晚宴实属不易，因为时间已经过了他上床时间整整七个钟头了(Gibbs是奥的新闻书记)。

(十二笑) In the last hundred days, we've also grown the Democratic Party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces like Arlen Specter. (Laughter.) Now, Joe Biden rightly deserves a lot of credit for convincing Arlen to make the switch, but Secretary Clinton actually had a lot to do with it too. One day she just pulled him aside and she said, Arlen, you know what I always say -- "if you can't beat them, join them." (Laughter.)
在头一个百日里，民主党也进一步成长，有了新的力量，吸收了年轻新鲜血液，比如Arlen Specter(都七十九了)。策反Arlen，副总统Joe Biden立了头功，但国务卿Clinton也是功不可没。一天她对Arlen说:  如果你不能击倒他们(民主党)，那就加入他们。

(十三笑) Which brings me to another thing that's changed in this new, warmer, fuzzier White House, and that's my relationship with Hillary. You know, we had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer. In fact, the second she got back from Mexico she pulled into a hug and gave me a big kiss. (Laughter.) Told me I'd better get down there myself. (Laughter.) Which I really appreciated. I mean, it was -- it was nice. (Laughter.)
奥和国务卿Hillary Clinton的关系，两人曾是竞选对手。但奥说: "现在我们的关系已经亲近的不能再亲近了。她从墨西哥回来，立马和我拥抱亲吻(暗指要把猪感冒传染给奥)，还要我亲自去那儿......"。

(十四笑) And of course we've also begun to change America's image in the world. We talked about this during this campaign and we're starting to execute. We've renewed alliances with important partners and friends. If you look on the screen there, there I am with Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso. There I am with Gordon Brown.
But as I said during the campaign, we can't just talk to our friends. As hard as it is, we also have to talk to our enemies, and I've begun to do exactly that. Take a look at the monitor there. (Laughter.) Now, let me be clear, just because he handed me a copy of Peter Pan does not mean that I'm going to read it -- (laughter) -- but it's good diplomatic practice to just accept these gifts.
改变美国在全世界的形象需要花大力气，这项工作正在进行。你瞧，奥忙着会见日本首相Taro Aso，英国首相Gorden Brown等(大屏幕打出照片)。但奥的雄心是朋友要见，敌手也要会。再看屏幕，这时是一幅奥会见Captain Hook的照片。奥还强调说:  他给我一本Peter Pan并不表明我会读它。收下只是外交礼节。这其中有两个包袱，一，Peter Pan是一本在美国家喻户晓的童话书，讲的是仙子Peter战海盗Captain Hook。现在索马里猖獗的海盗正是美国面临的主要敌人之一，奥要按承诺会敌手，于是就有了这照片。二，在美洲首脑峰会上(Summit of Americas)，委内瑞拉总统Chaves赠奥总统一本书，它历数美国和欧洲在拉丁美洲干下的滔滔劣迹，为此奥受到国内人士的批评，当时奥的回应就是"收下书并不等于我会读它"，现在用Peter Pan童话书，借秃驴骂和尚，暗示美国依旧认为Chaves是Captain Hook一样的怀人。

(十五笑) All this change hasn't been easy. Change never is. So I've cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House. He's warm, he's cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic. You just have to keep him on a tight leash. Every once in a while he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble. But enough about Joe Biden. (Laughter.)
"可爱的想要拥抱它(cuddly)、忠诚(loyal)、热情(enthusiastic)":  这些词都是老美用来描述爱犬的。既然是犬，就得拴链子，不然它就乱冲乱跑，到处生事惹麻烦。第一家庭新近的确给白宫带来一位新朋友，那就是美国第一犬Bo，所以这时你定然认为奥是在讲他的爱犬Bo，万没想到他是在说副总统Joe Biden。这上面的一串形容词也完全合适Biden，他还是个出了名的大嘴巴(跟钱尼一样)，到处乱说话惹事生非。前几天联邦政府全力控制猪感冒引起的慌乱时，他却公开发言，让民众不要搭飞机坐火车。这类不当言论使Biden臭名昭著，也给奥总统带来不少麻烦。在这场景嘲笑他一番，实属应该。

(十六笑) All in all, we're proud of the change we've brought to Washington in these first hundred days but we've got a lot of work left to do, as all of you know. So I'd like to talk a little bit about what my administration plans to achieve in the next hundred days.
During the second hundred days, we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first hundred days. (Laughter.) It's going to be big, folks. (Laughter.) In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off the prompter and Joe Biden will learn to stay on the prompter. (Laughter.)
第一个百日执政圆满完成，那就该谈谈第二个百日执政计划了。首先要建立一个图书馆来纪念第一个百日的功德(这是借喻每一位退位总统都建一个总统图书馆的惯例)。然后，奥要学会讲话不用提示器，而Biden要学会如何使用提示器(以能够限制他口无遮拦)。

(十七笑) In the next hundred days, our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all, we have a lot in common. He is a person of color. (Laughter.) Although not a color that appears in the natural world. (Laughter.) What's up, John? (Laughter.)
奥这时开始嘲弄国会众议院共党领袖John Boehner，说他也要考虑反水，脱党变节成为民主党。因为奥和Boehner有不少共同点，说他也是黑人(person of color)，只是他那黑色似乎不像是与生俱来的。这包袱可抖大了:  Boehner实际是白人共党，还是众议院共方领袖。他的皮肤是tanned，也就是海滩太阳晒黑的那种。

(十八笑) In the next hundred days, I will meet with a leader who rules over millions with an iron fist, who owns the airwaves and uses his power to crush all who would challenge his authority at the ballot box. It's good to see you, Mayor Bloomberg. (Laughter.)
In the next hundred days, we will housetrain our dog, Bo, because the last thing Tim Geithner needs is someone else treating him like a fire hydrant. (Laughter.) In the next hundred days, I will strongly consider losing my cool. (Laughter.)
Finally, I believe that my next hundred days will be so successful I will be able to complete them in 72 days. (Laughter.) And on the 73rd day, I will rest. (Laughter.)
这儿奥先拿纽约市长说事，说他是铁拳统治，掌控媒体(airwaves--暗示花钱作广告)，以至无人能够在投票上挑战他。这位市长大人Bloomberg，是"婊子类"的政治人物，为求胜选，不惜连续反水，从前是铁杆民主党，2001年为赢得纽约市长，投靠共党，2007也曾为竞选总统蠢蠢欲动，为此还脱离公党变成独立人士，现在为了今秋的市长连任，又要求共党方面同意他重新回归共党。他靠着自己有钱如此不讲党性，活该被奥"修理"。

然后奥允诺他会好好调教第一狗Bo，因为奥财政部长Geithner不想再有谁把他当消防栓用了。这意思是美国经济麻烦层出不穷，奥把Geithner当消防栓，用他到处灭火。如果不调教Bo，那它也像美国经济一样，麻烦层出不穷，兴许还得把Geithner当成消防栓用。

最后，奥说信誓旦旦，说第二个百日也会非常成功，以至于所有计划能够在72天之内完成，第73天奥就可以休息了。这是忽悠另一类人: 自奥成为强势政治人物以来，反对他的人讽刺他有Messiah Complex。我们可以把Messiah Complex叫做救世主综合症，它的意思是:  政治人物都当仁不让地认为自己是民族和国家的领袖，这本生也没错，但有些政客会把自己进一步上升到耶稣救世主的地位，认为拯救世界舍我其谁!  这就有点妄自托大。奥对这种批评了然在胸，并针对于此，故意调侃 -- 我就是那真龙天子，你们又能咋的?  Messiah就是犹太话的耶稣，他老人家干完活以后是要休息的。奥也要如此，72天完成计划，第73天休息。我们但不太清楚为什么是72天，有人说是因为奥的支持率是72%，也有人说是奥随意取的数)。

......

这篇奥氏幽默整整三页半英文，加上译文和解释就更长了(后面还有几小段，但多属于正经官文，大家都看得懂，我们就此略过)。对美国政治幽默不感兴趣的，这篇恐怕很难成为"可持续阅读"。

但纵观奥氏幽默大片，透着美式政治家的彻底幽默。政治，不论是民主的也好独裁的也罢，不能只是你死我活，更应该有欢声笑语。

这让人想起改革开放后的中国政坛，幽默元素也逐步见多，但还不够，尤其在幽默的层次上急待改善。中国的幽默不能总是东北老汉斜戴破帽耍贫嘴，要不就是女裤男穿走偏裆装兔爷，再有就是饭前酒后茶余的黄段子。"高粱地里十八摸"劳动人民喜闻乐见这也没错，但吃多了腻没档次不能持续发展。如果领袖人物在接受歌功颂德的同时，也能把自己开放给幽默、呈献出中国的政坛十八笑，定能造就中国幽默市场的新一轮红火。

奥氏十八笑，一笑倾城、二笑倾国、三笑秋香妹倾心...... 这位黑人俊才媚力无穷，政治才能卓越，演讲技能语言智慧都远胜白种同类。这真应了中国那句老话:  人不可貌相，海水有点咸还凉......。