生日早已过了，今特此补记。
生日那天，女儿发了个微信给我，除了简单的祝贺外，还告诉我说，她寄了一张生日卡给我。结果卡片过了好几天才姗姗而至。打开卡片，那细细密密工整的字顿入眼帘, 读到第二段就开始泪奔了(里面的内容女儿不让post，故删了，大概就是，她拎着行李来到新城市，看着空荡荡的公寓，联想起母亲二十年前来美)。我的女儿，一个不会甜言蜜语，一个我常常说她不够sweet的人，却用真挚心里的话语把老妈的眼泪给煽下来了。看着我眼泪鼻涕的，LD还以为出啥事了，当我把卡片递给他，他一边读，一边不停地说，I am jealous! I am jealous! 还不忘加了一句，“她忘了，有我在这里啊。”
二十年了，整整二十年。是的，二十年前，我把我们在广州辛辛苦苦赚的崭新的家具，床，书柜，彩电，洗衣机，冰箱等，贱卖的贱卖，送人的送人，扔掉的扔掉。冰箱和洗衣机实在不舍贱卖，又匆匆赶到市场口，找人花钱托运回老家，还有那台LD花了九千多块从电脑城买回来配置，一点点组装起来的我们的第一台电脑也贱卖了。最后，只剩些衣物和随身用品，几个箱子跟着我飘扬过海。跟当年的那些留学生比，我们算幸运了，没有吃他们吃的苦。但我们同所有大陆移民一样，经历了其他方面的艰辛，如办身份等，其间的起起伏伏，一言难尽。只记得，最困难时，LD没了工作，一家人五个月没有一分收入，几乎是同一天，LD办的绿卡也出了问题......
好在日子都过来了，好也好，不好也罢，岁月带走一切，带走芳华，却又留下美好，留下遗憾，留下记忆。
我不知女儿的记忆里留下多少。她可记得三岁不到的她，被妈妈搂在怀里，两人在两人座的飞机上睡睡醒醒地度过十几个小时？她可记得飞机抵达后，LD来接，她躲在妈妈的身后，偷偷看着他？她可记得第一个晚上，她指着卧室床边的地毯，让爸爸睡地上，因为她不习惯与这个陌生的爸爸同床睡觉？
二十年了，太多的往事，印在我的脑海，也一定刻在她成长的记忆里。如今她长大了，也带着几只箱子离家，只是她的起点比我们高多了，生活也远比我们当年的好，她一个人住一房一厅的公寓，而那时的我们，三个人挤在一房一厅里......
这就是我们这代人付出、努力的结果。虽然，二十年前我们义无反顾地远渡重洋，追逐着梦想和更好的未来，二十年来，中国的发展翻天覆地，日新月异，真可谓三十年河东三十年河西。且不论我们选择的对错，得与失，且不论我们再十年二十年后会在哪里，最终何处养老，魂归何处，但这里无疑已经是我的第二个故乡，一个我生活了二十年，还要继续生活下去的地方，期间的欢乐、悲伤、成功、失败，连同这里的山山水水，一草一木已经融入我的生命和记忆里，无法磨灭。
This birthday card from my daughter came after my birthday belatedly. Tears swelled right after I started reading the second paragraph, and they ran down my cheeks, non-stopping. My husband, unaware, looked at me caringly and suspiciously. I handed him the card.” I am jealous! I am jealous! “was what he repeated saying that night.
My girl, who is not very expressive and who I always think could be sweeter like other girls, wrote something from her heart that touched me, a card that I will cherish for good.
What mired deep in my memory, as stirred by her words, were actually the days we left for America twenty years ago. The days when I took her for visa, which got denied once but approved the second time; the days when I posted on the billboards to sell the furniture, TV, washing machine, refrigerator, computer, etc. Everything we earned hard for the new home had to go away grudgingly. Those days were hectic, sad and excited, a mixed feeling of leaving the land I had been raised for so many years and joining the husband in the far distant world overseas, for a better life.
All our belongings were whittled down into a few suitcases, and with the dreams we started anew here in America. Nothing was easy, the jobs, the green cards, and the life. It took us seven years to get the green cards, and when we finally went back to the motherland after the green cards, we were astonished at the alarming changes taking place in the hometown. The places we used to be so familiar with were no longer the same. Everywhere we went, it was full of vibrant people, young or old, talking about how to make money, more and bigger money.
Twenty years is long in our life, and we may only have another twenty years to live on, plus or minus. Looking back, we might not know for sure if we made the right decision then to immigrate here, but at least from the daughter’s perspective, she thinks the answer was positive and certain. I guess no place in this world is perfect, and neither will be our life. Wherever we go, our visions are expanded, and memory etched with the place, the people, and the culture irreversibly and irresistibly.
|
