My nephew*, H, is coming to Berkeley for a short study. A
bright youth finishing college in a top Chinese university, he
has been working hard to score high in TOEFL and GRE to
apply for graduate schools. I went through the same and can
well empathize.

The family is well off but his dad still wants the boy to go 
and this is not surprising. Experiences since the 1950's of
my extended family have been shaped by a single tragic
event from dad's side**. If one Jiu-Jitsu blackbelt's***
three-year-old daughter knew by instinct to take her
sister's back and put in the hooks, I wonder what the
life-time suffering of the past three generations combined
would have passed on to an oblivious offspring.

In this light, my own character, intense dislike of bullies 
in any form, and all major life experiences so far can be
explained. This seems the antithesis to Individualism, so
exalted in the West. I might not have done everything "My
Way" and the tear-jerking

        For what is a man, what has he got
        If not himself, then he has naught

suddenly feels less certain. Like many dualities, the
individual and his fate seem better modelled by the great
Yin-and-Yang.

  * He's my cousin's only child and aunt's grandson. The
    English expression "first cousin once removed" sounds
    ludicrous here. I'll follow the Chinese and call him nephew.

 ** In contrast, cousins from mom's side were content with
    staying back. Financial motivations were not enough to
    stir them.

*** Joe Rogan podcast with Steve Maxwell