1 判断失误/Wrong judgement

The owner visits his factory and is shocked to see a man leaning against a wall, drinking coffee, "How much do you make?" he demands. “Eighty dollars a day,” is the reply. The owner hands him $80 and says, “Get out, and don't come back!"

Two minutes later the foreman comes in and asks, "Where's the delivery man who was just here?"

工厂主来到他的工厂，震惊地看到见一个人倚着墙喝咖啡。“你挣多少钱? ”他问。“80美元一天。”那人回答。厂主递给他80美元说:“出去，不要回来了。”

两分钟后，工头进来问:“刚才在这儿的送货员哪儿去了?”

2 纹身/Tattoo

A few months after Tom and I were married during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters, he wrote, "I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”

Instead of pleading, I answered simply, “Send me a picture of your tattoo, and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "

We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

二战期间汤姆和我刚结婚几个月后，他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中，他写道:“我想把海军战舰纹刻在胸前。”

我没有恳求，只是简单地回了信:“给我寄一张你纹身的照片来，然后我也在我的胸前仿纹一个。” 

我们现在已结婚51年了，谁也没纹过身。

3 责怪/Blame

As I sat with my pet in the veterinarian's waiting room, a woman and her old English sheepdog emerged from one of the examining rooms. The dog sat obediently while the woman asked for her bill.  When told it was $80, she looked down at the dog and said, "Did you hear that? Get a job."

当我带着我的宠物坐在兽医的侯诊室里，一位妇女和她英国古代牧羊犬从一间诊室里走出来。当主人在问诊费时，那只狗乖乖地坐着。当主人被告知诊资是80美元时，那妇女低头看着狗说:“你听到了吗? 找份工作吧。”

图片来自网络

4 分别对待/Treat differently

On a visit to the United States, Gorbachev met a Russian who had immigrated to this country. "What do you do for a living here?" the Soviet leader asked him.

"My brother, my sister and I work in a big factory.”

"How do these capitalist bosses treat you?"

"Just fine, "answered the man. “In fact, if you are walking home from work, the boss picks you up in his big car and drives you to your door. Another time, he treats you to a dinner in an expensive restaurant. Sometimes he takes you home for the weekend and buys you presents.”

Gorbachev was stunned. “How often does this happen?"

"Well, to me, actually never. But to my sister, several times. "

在一次出访美国期间，戈尔巴乔夫遇见了一位移居美国的俄国人。“你在这儿靠什么谋生?”苏联的领导问他。

“我哥、我妹和我在一个大工厂工作.”

“那儿的资本家对你们怎样?”

“还不错，”那人回答，“事实上，如果你下班步行回家，老板会让你搭坐他的大车，把你送到家。另一次，他请你去昂贵的餐厅吃晚餐。有时候，他邀你到他家去度周末，还送给你礼物。”

戈尔巴乔夫很吃惊:“这种事多久有一回?”

“嗯，对我嘛，还没有一次呢。但对我妹妹，已经有好几次了。”

5 后知之明/Hindsight

Several years ago, the Connecticut state polices were required to put chains on their tires after the first snowfall. One officer, failing to do so, found himself in a skid that flipped the car over onto its roof.

A woman called the police station to report the accident.  In reply to inquire on the officer's condition, she said, "Well, he seems okay, but you'd better get someone out here really quick. He's standing on the car, putting chains on the tires!”

几年前，康涅狄格州的警察被要求在下第一场雪后，把车胎上加上铁链。有一个警官没这么做，结果他在一次车子打滑中翻了车，车底朝上。

一位妇女给警察局打电话报告了这个事玫。在回答该警官的状况的问讯时，她说:“他看上去没事儿，不过，你们最好赶快派人来，他正站在车上给轮胎套链子呢！"

6 我还多一个/I've got one more

I was asked in by the company commander to explain why a report was in error. "Sir," I said, "you have to understand that I have four idiots working for me."

He looked up from his desk and said, "You are lucky. I have five idiots working for me.”

连长要求我解释为什么一份报告出现错误。“先生，”我说:“你必须了解，我有四个白痴为我工作.”

他从桌上抬起头说:“你够幸运的，我有五个白痴为我工作！”