1 胡萝卜
Patient: You say carrot is good for the eyes. Is that true?
Doctor: Certainly. Have you ever seen rabbits wearing glasses?
患者:“你说过吃胡萝卜对视力有帮助，是真的吗?”
医生:“当然，你见过戴眼镜的兔子吗?”
2 伟大的科学家
Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?
Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.
老师:“谁能告诉我有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的一些事情呢?
学生:“老师，我可以，他们都死了。”
3 太快与太慢
A man traveling at 130 miles per hour on the road was stopped by traffic police.
“Sorry, officer.” Said the driver, “Was I driving too fast?”
“No, sir. You were flying too slow.”
一个男人把车开到了每小时130英里的时速。警察把他拦了下来。
“对不起，警官，”司机说，“我是不是开得太快了?”
“没有，先生，你只是飞得太慢了。”
4 洗脸
Teacher: David, why don’t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning?
David: What was it?
Teacher: Eggs.
David: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.
老师:“戴维，你为什么不洗洗你的脸呢?我都看得出来你今天一早上吃的是什么。”
戴维:“我吃什么了呢?”
老师:“鸡蛋。”
戴维:“不对，老师，那是我昨天吃的。”
5 崭新的奔驰车
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No,” she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number.”
奥斯卡驾驶着自己崭新的奔驰汽车去他最喜爱的体育用品商店。他把车停在了外面，到店里去找经常为他服务的简小姐看一些资料。简是一位非常漂亮的金发女郎。奥斯卡走进店里受到了她热烈的欢迎。奥斯卡提出想先自己转转，再找简帮忙。简同意了。5分钟后，简跑过来大叫着:“奥斯卡，奥斯卡!我刚才看到一个人把你的新奔驰车开走了!”
“我的天啊!你没叫住他吗?”
“没有，”简说:“我的方法更好，我记下了他的车牌号。”
6 导盲犬
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
"Not really, ”came the reply. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”
一个盲人和他的导盲犬站在十字路口上正等着过马路。这时那个导盲犬把腿抬了起来开始小便，毫无疑问盲人的裤子湿了。但是这个盲人却平静地从口袋里拿出了一块饼干给狗吃。一个过路人对此很不解地说道:“你的脾气真好，那条狗都做了这样的事情你还拿饼干给它。”
“不是这样的。”盲人回答说:“我只是想知道它的嘴在哪里，这样我就可以踢它的屁股。”
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