1 Parking Expenses 停车费
A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
一个商人走进纽约一家银行询问信贷员。他说他准备出差去欧洲两个星期需要借款5000美金。
The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.
信贷员说银行借款需要提供担保品。商人马上掏出停在银行门前的劳斯莱斯汽车的钥匙。
Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
一切手续办妥后银行信贷员接受了汽车做为贷款的抵押。店员把汽车开到银行地下车库并停放在那里。
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
两个星期后商人从欧洲回来，偿还了5000元借款以及15.41元的利息。信贷员问：“非常感谢您的光顾，这笔交易做得也很完美，但是我们有一个疑问，你离开后我们查了一下发现您是一个富翁。为什么您会不怕麻烦来这借5000元呢？”
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"
商人回答：“除了您这我还能在纽约市的其他地方只需付款15元就能停车两个星期吗？”
2 How did you start the flood? 你是怎么引起洪水的？
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met a lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
医生在里维埃拉度假时遇到他的一位律师朋友，医生问他怎么会到这里来。
The lawyer replied, " I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything. What are you doing here?"
律师回答：“我到这里是因为我的房子被火烧了，保险公司赔偿了我所有的损失。”
"That's quite a coincidence," said the doctor "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
“真巧，”医生说，“我是因为房子被洪水冲垮了，保险公司也赔偿了我所有的损失。”
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
律师看起来有些困惑，他问“哎呀！你是怎么引起洪水的？”
3 Blonde Detectives 美女侦探
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives.
一位警官正在询问三位想成为侦探的金发女郎。
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect,
为了测试她们辨别嫌疑犯的技巧，
he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
他让其中一位看一张照片，五秒钟后把照片藏了起来。
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
“这就是你的嫌疑犯，你怎么样能把他再认出来？”
The first blonde answers,这位美女回答，
"That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
“这太容易了，他只有一只眼睛，我一下就能认出他来！”
The policeman says,
警官说，
"Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
“喔……嗯……那是因为这只是他的侧面。”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response,
警官被这个荒谬的答案搞的有点不知所措，
he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her,
他把照片在第二位小姐面前一晃，五秒钟后问道，
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
“这就是你的嫌疑犯，你怎样才能把他认出来？”
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says,
女郎咯咯地傻笑，撩了撩自己的头发说，
"Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he has only one ear!"
“哈！他太容易被认出来了，因为他只有一只耳朵！”
The policeman angrily responds,
警官恼怒地叫起来，
"What's the matter with you two?
你们两个是怎么搞的？
Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile!
他当然只有一只眼睛一只耳朵，因为这是他的侧面像！
Is that the best answer you can come up with?"这就是你们最好的答案吗？”
Extremely frustrated at this point,he shows the picture to the third blonde
他很泄气地给第三位女郎看了照片，
and in a very testy voice asks,
很不耐烦地问她
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"，
“这是你的嫌疑犯，你怎么样再认出他来？”
He quickly adds "... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
他迅速又补充了一句，“在给我愚蠢的答案之前你先好好想想。”
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
这位美女很专心地看了一会儿，
"Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."
说，“他戴的是隐形眼镜。”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
警官非常吃惊，一句话也说不出来了因为连他自己都不知道那个人是不是戴隐形眼镜。
"Well, that's an interesting answer...“
嗯，这个答案真有意思。
wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.
"你稍等，我去查一下他的档案，马上回来。”
He leaves the room and goes to his office,
他离开屋子回到办公室，
checks the suspect's file in his computer,
查了下电脑中的档案
and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.，
喜气洋洋地回来了。
"Wow! I can't believe it... it's TRUE!
“哇！我简直不能相信。是真的！
The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.
他确实是戴隐形眼镜的。你做得太棒了！你怎么会有这么敏锐的观察力呢？”
Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
“很简单啊，”女郎回答说，
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
“他不可能带普通眼镜的嘛，因为他只有一只眼睛和一只耳朵。”
4 Taking attendance点名
On my first day of classes at my University I took a front-row seat in my literature course.
大学的第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began,
教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，
"Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：“他在点名呢。”
5 Bargain 讨价还价
My son, a used-car dealer,
我儿子是个二手汽车商。
showed his customer a 2005 Chevy in great condition.
一次，他给一位顾客展示一辆车况还很不错的2005年雪弗莱。
"And it's only $7, 000," he told the man.
“这辆车只要7000美元”，他跟顾客说。
"I'm willing to give you $3, 500," said the customer.
“我只想给3500美元”，顾客说。
My son feigned disappointment.
我儿子装着很失望地回答说
"If at all possible," he responded, "I'd like to sell you the whole car."
“如果真的有可能，我原意整辆卖给你”。
6 Prepare Yourself. 自己做好准备
A story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading:"Mo-flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
校园里流传着这样的故事:一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着:“妈妈—我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除了。让爸爸做好准备。”
Two days later he received a response:"Pop prepared. Prepare yourself.”
两天以后，他收到了回电:“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”
(from Internet)
