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Debate on “never find the right guy”
I saw an article recently, a 30-year old single lady had a string of failed matching making activities in Shanghai, there were about 10 different guys that she dated and disgusted, some incidents are quite funny, some I could even related to the people around myself. Many people read the article and reply to her that it must be “her own problem” that she has not met someone decent; if she never find a decent guy then it must be her own fault; some people even call her “vanity”, look down on people that are “stingy”.
I have some thoughts, but on her side unfortunately….
1). A girl who is not lucky enough to have met “the one”, is it her own fault? No! given that if there should only be 1 person is “the one”, the chance to meet them is not very easy. It may take time. Lots people has this pressure to be married at a certain age, they often marry wrong and will suffer later on, but of course, doors closed, no body knows, as long as she/he is married, people will think that’s normal… Most of the eligible Chinese men marry early, they have not even get a chance to grow up to be a man who understand themselves, just married their school lovers, sweet hearts etc, then divorce later when they become more aware of who they are, what do they want in life. This leave high self regarded girls very limited choice. In the sense, western guys will go through a colourful single period, independent but grow to be themselves, strongly opinionated about whom they are and what do they want to do. It is strange to blame a girl for she has not met the right person and insist on not to compromise, I think this is something people should learn from her that “to be married” is not the objective! But a simple outcome.
2). Vanity in excess is wrong and a sign of lack of proper education, shallow and materialism, that is pretty stupid since you are restraining your views and sights…however, without proper amount of vanity, a person will be without a shame, a pride, a self esteem and regard! A girl demanded to be treated lovely and regarded with respect has all the reason to demand so. This only shows that the girl has lots self respect and know her own worth, that only the decent will do. It is by all means a virtue, know yourself and know what you want, don’t sacrifice for the poor education some men had and give in to accept the “second best”! The moment you decide you can compromise on their unacceptable behaviour, is the moment you start to cheap sell yourself, of course you’ll not be treated well, because there is no need!
3). People can argue that girl’s youth pass quickly; one shall make the most of it by marrying young. Agree! We cannot be greedy and always want better….But only if she has met “the one”, even if not the prince charming, at least someone that makes her comfortable and happy, makes her effortlessly be herself and feel loved, so she wants to love back at the least. If all the guys she have met not only disgusts her and contrast most of her values and habits, why should she settle for any of those or think it must be her own fault? And give up the hope of being someone that makes her comfortable!
4). Too many people marry for the wrong reason and too many people don’t’ even understand themselves. Chinese education system and family education make people mentally dependent on parents, peers, friends etc; have very little sense of self! This is not a firm foundation for marriage! I think young people should be given enough time to be on their own, explore the life, society, and understand themselves and others, then make the choice that could make them happier for longer. Let it be having a family for the good or be single for the good.
5). Men’s behaviours! Ahhhhhhhh….why the hell Chinese school does not teach men how to date, how to treat opposite sex properly, how to be polite and well mannered, cultured and decent! It is an important social skill! Not just dating, but even working, social, in everyday’s life! If you behave with good manner, it will earn you respect, friendship, trust and respect! It’s all in little things, your manner, your taste….it’s not that we cares if we have to pay for a dinner, but offering is always sweet; it’s not that we cannot go home alone, but offer to give a lift is always sweet; girls are girls, should be tenderly treated and appreciated. If you want to date an “equally macho minded”, “non fuss”, “anything-could-get-by”, “thinking just like you”, my suggestion is to try to date your same sex, be a gay, you will be much happier!
I think to love one woman is not enough! Men should learn to love women in general and treat them nicely, decently, all of them! Only when you treat lady like a lady, you will feel like a man! Trust me that make your life happier! |
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